well, i can't sleep, and that sucks big time. i'm halfway excited about the trip to graham webb academy, halfway nervous about auditioning for into the woods, halfway nervous about calling my doctor, halfway dreading all the stupid work i have to do before i go to new york.
yes, i do realize that all those halves make a couple wholes. but i am a big girl, and i can handle that. or, i should be able to handle that.
i think, as i get older, i just get to be a lousier, more impatient, more forgetful, terrible person. i am the worst sister ever, as i have forgotten to call my sister for her birthday for the past three days in a row. i haven't returned a single phone call to my doctor's office, who actually called my mother to MAKE SURE I WASN'T DEAD. well, of course, they didn't say that to her, but you know what the oncologist's office starts to think when one of their patients goes AWOL... i am such an asshole that when they left me a message to say that they'd called my mother and they'd like to see me, i still ignored it for a week. but i am vowing to myself to suck it up and call tomorrow, and just hope i only have to talk to the receptionist.
i also must call dana farber to reschedule my appointment there, and that wiill be a little bit hellish, because it is the MOST CONFUSED PLACE EVER. it's kind of sad that they're so so busy because there are so many people who have cancer, but it's still annoying as anything to try and make an appointment there.
i still have flashbacks. it'll be about five months soon since i've been out of there, but sometimes i still feel like i'm in that horrible little room, sick as a dog. i have total ptsd from that whole experience, i'm sure of it. part of the reason that i'm looking for a third job and am always busy is that it helps me not to think about anything i've been through. i'm proud of myself for not partying to get rid of it, but now i'm a work- and shop- aholic. (it doesn't matter that i have no money, i can bring home several items on a ten dollar budget.)
and it just gets later and later, and i just get annoyed, cause i need a vacation but refuse to call in sick to work. i have never, in my life, called in to work. not even when i worked the switchboard at caldor, and would get yelled at ALL day because i didn't know things like whether there were any clearance tee shirts left in blue. that was the shittiest job ever. but now i love my job, and am too personally involved in it, because it's a small business, to be able to call in. if i'm not there, everyone else has to bust their ass to pick up the slack.
sorry about the whining. but isn't that what blogs are for?
