Andrea Coller's Blog
Friday, June 17, 2005
first off, i do apologize. i did not mean to go for an entire month without blogging, leaving you all hanging on important news. but the truth is, i don't know any more about my health status since the last time i posted. annoying? yes. do i have other weird/tragic stories to tell? but of course!

the problem began simply enough. my lovely little mac laptop spontaneously decided to stop working. frightened to lose pieces of my book, and all my other information, i cried. a lot. and then, a wonderful friend who is currently living in milwaukee, offered to fix my computer for free. so, i figured, things were looking up. i payed a small fortune to overnight it to him (because this is the safest way to send it, i am told), and returned to my home. after a day or two, i really wanted to check my email. so i figured, why not bring the ancient monster of a computer that i have in the attic back down and see if it will crank up for me? it sounded reasonable enough, as a temporary solution. (my friend had promised to have the laptop back asap.)after lugging the actual computer downstairs, i picked up the monitor. as i turned to walk down the attic stairs, i dropped it. on my toe. and it broke. (the toe, that is-- lke a cockroach surviving a nuclear blast, the monitor smashed my toe, fell all the way down the attic stairs, landing on the screen, and STILL works.) and what can you do for a broken toe? as everyone i've spoken to has confirmed- ABSOLUTELY nothing. but my small comfort that i held on to through both the physical pain and the psychological agony of being forced to wear unflattering footwear, was that my laptop would be back soon, with the precious pieces of my book that i had only saved on the hard drive. (i KNOW! it's too late for me to burn a disc now, isn't it?)

my laptop was guaranteed to arrive by 1030 AM last friday safely in milwaukee. long story short- it NEVER arrived. UPS (who you should never, EVER patronize!!)claims that it was delivered. the driver apparently left it on my friend's porch, without so much as ringing the doorbell to alert him that it had arrived. which makes no sense, considering UPS won't even turn over our hair products to us at work without a last name and signature. so either the driver is lying, or it was stolen. either way, they have stopped their official "search" for it, and i may or may not be compensated for its loss. and more importantly, pieces of my book, songs, research, all of that- is gone forever. here come the waterworks again...

anyways... i've been mostly hiding in my apartment watching sex and the city, writing sad angry song fragments, and soaking my poor toe. i came up with a theory that if i substitute all my friends' names for all the proper names in carrie's narration of sex and the city, and "manolo blahnik" for "steve madden," i could easily mirror my own life.

so now i'm the poor man's carrie bradshaw- without my precious mac, only my less expensive shoes to comfort me, and not a goddamned cosmopolitan in sight.
I trust that your toe healed fine. I have to admit that your account of your foot mishap aroused sympathy for you. But it also aroused me in that other way. You see, I have a foot fetish. Not only that. But the sight of an attractive female with an injured toe, foot, or ankle drives me absolutely bonkers. (I can't explain this weird condition. And I didn't ask for it.) If you were my girl, I would have treated you and your toe really special.

Thanks for "listening."

Kevin (just another Silicon Valley working stiff)
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