on day 43, i woke up to lots of sunshine and hope that things would all be well. little did i know it would be one of my worst days yet. some bad days are like, "i poured rotten milk in my cereal, then ruined my new pants in a mud puddle, got fired, got yelled at by my mom, got dumped by my boyfriend, and then burned down my kitchen," and some bad days are just bad because they're bad. not really cause monumental things happened, but just cause some punk kid who never had to work a day in his life made me feel bad, and cause i'm not all better, cause a woman called out her car window asking me if i was okay. that's the worst thing that happened, cause i wasn't crying then, and i thought i was hiding my labored breathing pretty well. sometimes the kindness of strangers does nothing more than break your heart.
i'm trying to make myself remember the things that made me smile today... all that really comes to mind is the spanish cover of "proud mary" that i heard playing in the pizza parlor. and the woman from the shop next door popped in with her baby just to say welcome back to me. these things should be enough- if the little things can upset me so much, then the little things should bring me back.
by all means, i should order up some shrimp with broccoli and tofu with three kinds of mushrooms and pig out while watching the final episode of friends. unfortunately, i don't feel like letting the delivery guy see me bald, and i don't feel like putting on my wig. secondly, it's very hard to care about friends these days, cause guess what? they're the kind of f-ing annoying people with great apartments and clothes who constantly have "problems", but that nothing bad ever really happens to, and in the end, they're all rich and beautiful and healthy anyways. oh yeah, cause they're fictional.
maybe the heidi fleiss story is on again. now that's entertainment.
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